Q: I’m an 18-year-old guy. Off late I find myself attracted to well-built men. I’m confused and am afraid about what my mind is doing. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel they will laugh at me. Please help.
Ans: Well-built men are sexy and they work really hard to become and stay that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to them, or just admire them for their physical qualities, determination, or discipline. Do you get turned on if you think of being physical with them? If yes, you can keep it a fantasy that you indulge in when masturbating, explore this side of your sexuality with those interested in you, or do both.
Attraction towards the same gender is perfectly normal but some people find it more difficult to accept than others. Many keep it as a part of their fantasies and others act upon it with real-life experiences. Unfortunately, it is still perceived to be a non-conforming sexual orientation. Unfortunately, many people are still socialised to believe that relationships should be based on heteronormativity. Unfortunately, right now you might not be able to talk about it freely to just anyone.
What you can do, however, is to talk about it to someone in the queer community, or to a queer friendly professional. You can and you should. There are many resources and organisations online that will help you understand this very personal path better. Each journey is unique but remember that, the organisations exist because there are so many people who have gone, and are going, through similar experiences. You are not alone. Support helps because understanding and accepting your sexual identity can be overwhelming. It can be a scary journey full of shame and self-blame, but with the right assistance, you can sail through it with pride.
The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on firstname.lastname@example.org)