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Candid Corner: Found porn on papa's laptop

10:20 AM Dec 05, 2021 |

Q: I am an 18-year-old girl and have great regard for my father who is 55. One day I found porn on his laptop and was shocked to see they were of girls around my age. I am unable to have any respect and even hesitate to invite my friends over. Should I confront him about this?

Ans: A nice chat with your dad about porn and age gap relationships is a great idea. They are both preferences for many people and they don’t make those engaging in them bad or less respect-worthy. Porn is just one of the many tools to get oneself aroused and feel pleasure. It works well for quick gratification or for people who are not so attuned with their erotic fantasies.

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It is also helpful when there is no partner around, or for when you just want to indulge in something more taboo. Porn watching can become an issue if done too often for too long, or if it is your only mode of arousal. But not everyone watching porn has this issue.  Ask your dad how much of his mind space is occupied by watching it. It will help him understand whether his watching is compulsive or not.

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Most important for you both to discuss is: That porn is not like real sex or real sexual performances, that people and actions are modified and enhanced in many ways and that what you see is a performance of a fantasy, most often a male-centric one. What this also means is that your father could be watching younger people online and fantasizing about them but would probably not do it in real life.

Ask him and get to know him better. If you find out that he would be open to dating girls your age just try to understand what about them he finds attractive before judging him. How young is too young is very personal and it depends on individual needs and the relationship dynamics. The state has established that the age of consent in India is 18, so anything below that would be illegal. You might want to support your father with professional help if he is planning to engage with someone below that age. 

The writer is an Intimacy and Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual well-being (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com)

Also Read: Candid Corner - Explained: What it means to be an ‘island’ in a relationship

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