Q: I have been working from home since the pandemic hit, and we have regular office meetings via Zoom. I have spotted this really pretty woman from one of our outstation offices. She has an amazing voice and her smile is intoxicating. I have been smitten since I first saw her. I want to take things further, but don’t know if I should take the lead and ask her out. Or should I ask a common friend to intervene? I am confused.
Ans: Crushes make us behave like teenagers and forget that we are adults. You have a crush and your brain is flooded with all the attraction neurochemicals. Unfortunately, getting a friend involved would make you come across as emotionally immature. Some women enjoy man-childs but better not take a chance for the initial round. You will have to break the barriers on your own and avoid an online ‘kebab mein haddi’ situation. Hopefully, you will not end up with a completely boneless experience.
Start finding out if she reciprocates the attraction by flirting. You can always ask her to meet at a later stage. Taking it slow will warm up things for you both. A few tips on flirting will make you stand out: 1. Compliment her on some qualities or things you have noticed. Something very personal that only someone interested would have paid attention to. Her smile is seen by everyone. Is there anything else? Observe and attune to her. Make sure you appreciate qualities beyond the physical. Attractive people feel objectified when they get complimented very often on their physical attributes. Be different from the rest.
2. Be curious of who she is and why she does certain things. Ask questions about why she has chosen this career, what made her pick her last holiday destination or the shirt she is wearing. 3. Open up to her and display your vulnerability. Tell her something about yourself, about how you felt in certain circumstances. Sharing emotions makes us come across as safe and therefore ready to connect with. Even if she doesn’t agree to go on a date you would have at least made a friend.
The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual wellbeing (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on email@example.com)Candid Corner: Attraction & confusion
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