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Candid Corner: To make the first move or not?

07:00 AM Oct 30, 2021 |

Q: I am friends with my neighbour, and there is some attraction. I am 28, and he is 15 years older than me. I am sure he is attracted to me but has never said anything. He calls me over when he is cooking, and we have dinners together very often. I like him too, but not sure if I should make the first move as I am a girl and I am so much younger too. How can I know for sure?

Ans: You have all the best reasons to make the first move: you are young and restless; you are a woman who knows what she wants. Both traits can be very attractive to an older man. At first, it might feel scary to put your desires out there.

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Also Read: Candid Corner: The lousy kisser

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Not knowing what is going to happen is frightening, but you will not know how he feels until you go first. He is probably as concerned as you about the age gap and might not want to come across as a sleazy old neighbour. Think about it; he has more to lose than you.

Before making a move, ask yourself what you want from this relationship. Long term, casual, physical, emotional, a little bit of both? It will help you approach him with a clear stance of what you are open to experience. Start by telling him how you enjoy your time with him and ask how he feels about spending time with you.

Tell him how you feel and ask him how your feelings make him feel. You will be able to establish from his facial expression, eyes and breathing whether the proposal excites him or not and hopefully, he will also verbalise a yes too.

Also Read: Candid Corner: The lousy kisser

If he says no, or if the thought of going first still scares too much, remember that rejections bring great breakthroughs. No matter how much we are afraid of them, rejections are opportunities to look within, address our fears and insecurities. Rejections make us learn, grow, and evolve. Embrace them.

The writer is an Intimacy and Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual well-being (www.theintimacycurator.com). (Have a query? Send it on fpjcandidcorner@gmail.com)

Also Read: Candid Corner: Can’t wait to have a family

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