I am attracted to my neighbour, but he is 15 years younger than me — he is 30 and I am 45. I know he likes me too, but the age gap is too wide between us. I am worried about what others will say about me. I am already labelled as a divorcee; this would just get me kicked out from the society. How do I make sure nothing happens between us? He keeps on visiting me every day with an excuse.
Ans: I think you deserve better and, therefore, I am not going to give you tips on how to avoid this man or on how to channelize your sexual energy into other activities. Why what people say about an unconventional age gap matters to you more than your own pleasure? You might value belonging to a social group more than addressing your own needs, but this is an opportunity to take a small break. Perhaps, there is a middle path between satisfying your desires for this man, or any future ones, and conforming to society’s rules. Your desires are important, and you need to validate them, especially if you have gone through painful relationships. Desire and pleasure heal, you need them.
Giving your body pleasure, being appreciated and desired are like having chocolate on a bad day or listening to your favourite songs when down. These activities and feelings have a soothing effect on your nervous system, they regulate your stress hormones. We all need to heal from the traumas society and power structures have caused us. You are attracted to this man because your body is telling you that he will help you heal. The age gap could be a blessing because it could mean that the relationship will be most likely focus on physical attraction. You both could go far from where you live and have a beautiful and exciting romantic weekend. Keeping the relationship secret will make it even more exciting. If people do find out, please move to a more open-minded society where you can live as a human being and not as criminal.
The writer is an Intimacy & Relationship Coach, Founder of The Intimacy Curator, an organisation promoting self-discovery through emotional and sexual well-being (www.theintimacycurator.com).
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