IN creating healthy, loving relationships with others, we need to come to terms with any part of ourselves that we feel uncomfortable with. We may have parts of ourselves that we have disowned, denied, or stuck away in some obscure corner of our psyche because we canâ€™t stand to hang out with the uneasy feelings they generate. If we canâ€™t love ourselves, we will look for someone else to love us, in hopes that if they give us enough love our unlovable part will get better or just go away. Unfortunately, we will tend to attract others who donâ€™t love and accept themselves either, thus setting ourselves up for even more hurt and disappointment. So letâ€™s talk about how we can learn to love ourselves more fully and unconditionally.
Dismantle Your Inner Critic: Many of us have a mental bully, the Inner Critic, who seems to delight in hurling negative thoughts at us. The Inner Critic can and will sabotage your success more easily than any external, real-world obstacle. Dismantling your Inner Critic is wonderfully liberating.Â Tell your Critic off for once, then do it again and again, and see what happens. This inner bully isnâ€™t used to being confronted and will often meekly recoil when challenged.
Befriend and Nurture All Parts of Yourself : If there are parts of yourself from your past or present that you feel shame, embarrassment, guilt or inadequacy about, treat those parts with love, nurturing and warmth. These parts really need the healing power of love.
Confront Your Own Denial : Imagine stepping back from the drama of your own life, and looking at your relationship history totally objectively. Take responsibility and become as healthy as you can be. Whenever denial is present, you are living with a false sense of who you really are, which contributes to not loving your true self.
Access Healthy Inner Resources : Review methods or techniques you have ever practised such as prayer, meditation, yoga, breathwork, bodywork or chanting. Notice which ones have been most helpful for you in opening up realms of peace, serenity, bliss and inner knowingness. Practise these techniques on a daily basis, and continue to learn new ways to deeply connect with your inner guidance.
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